I. The Controlled Alternative Filter: The Illusion of Reform
Since I first mentioned Mormonism on my bog, I have watched on YouTube the strategies of others who have quit the Church. I would like to talk about my impression of those strategies.
To be clear, I would not have chosen to talk about the Church on my blog if not for Kate Kelly. She appeared one day on YouTube selling her organization’s project to ordain women to the Mormon Church. I was dismayed, both at her attempt to railroad the conversation into a hopeless cause, and also at her lack of understanding about the structure of her church. Male supremacy is in every fiber of Mormon doctrine. If the Church were to ordain women, it would not be the same religion.
I believe Kelly was associated with John Dehlin of the YouTube channel, Mormon Stories, or possibly they were both in a larger progressive movement. Dehlin’s focus, aside from inviting Mormons and former Mormons to share their grievances, was trans and gay rights in the Church. Both Kelly and Dehlin claim to be loyal members trying to help the Church; they were both excommunicated.
II. Strategies of Former Members: The Franchise Traps
I have observed that there are three main ways of leaving the Church while hanging on to some kind of community: joining another denomination; becoming an atheist; or joining the ‘ex-Mormon community.’
Joining Another Denomination
I can only comment on the scenarios I have seen on YouTube; there are probably congregations out there that are more accepting than the examples I have seen.
I was particularly sensitive to the videos in which the new member, either alone or with a spouse, was seated in a large circle and being quizzed by the membership of the church they were trying to join. The most consistent questions had to do with why the applicant wanted to join the new church and why they decided to leave Mormonism. The questioners never said whether the applicant’s answers were acceptable to them, but they obviously weighed the responses. Maybe those interviewees made a home in those congregations, but I’m sure it was a struggle.
I will share one especially heartbreaking answer. A young father answered that he and his spouse wanted to find a community where they could be religious together and serve others. There was no outpouring of love and sympathy in response, which would have been the appropriate Christian response.
From my own experience with Evangelicals, I suspect they are coached to assume ulterior motives or dishonesty in former Mormons. This tendency is too persistent to be random; I think it must come from the leadership.
III. The Inquisition of the Corporate Shell
There are many things I could say about this, but when I was confronted by this mindset myself, I knew it didn’t fit my experience. I left the Mormons because I had an experience that made me realize they were teaching the gospel wrong. I didn’t quit right away; it took some time before I realized that the leaders of the Church and my ward were not interested in what I had learned. That was the issue. I knew they were wrong and I knew what they needed to change if their goal was what they claimed.
What I’m saying is that the very act of leaving one’s church and exploring other beliefs is profound. At this level, there is no room or inclination for tricks. The belief that the petitioners are going through this for the wrong reasons is embarrassingly presumptuous, not to mention ignorant.
But that’s not the only problem with these inquisitionists, there are at least two more. The belief of these supposed Christians that they can ask probing questions and judge other people is wrong by Christian standards of humility, compassion and basic human respect. It’s also a misunderstanding of the central problem.
Knowing what someone’s beliefs are does not mean you understand how the spirit works in them. That is the most ignorant, shocking, uncharitable and un-Christian part of this entire thing. Someone who is trying to reach God in a system that is not willing or able to show them the way deserves guidance and understanding. If the inquisitionists can’t perceive that, they don’t know the spirit. If they don’t know the spirit, they and their teachers are truly blind.
Joining the Ex-Mormon Community
I can’t speak to this option; all I know about the ex-Mormon community is that it exists. But when I try to imagine it, it’s not pretty. I know from watching ex-Mormons on YouTube that they usually begin their life story with how devoted they were and how much they love the members. That might be because the Church denigrates people who leave in various ways, the primary tactic is to say they were never really devout believers. There is an unspoken accusation as well; the suspicion that they were outsiders, sinners, or losers. Hence the ex-Mormon claim that they love the Church and its people. This is one way ex-Mormons rank themselves and their experience.
Of course they are sinners—we all are. But there is a myriad of sins that never come up in Bishops’ interviews. These include gossip, judgementalism, a belief in one’s own superiority, dishonesty in all its forms, and the love of money. When thinking of the seven deadly sins, I imagine that some of them wouldn’t apply to active Mormons, but no mortal is exempt from them. So as not to leave any out, the seven deadly sins are pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth.
I am aware that Latter Day Saints may not be familiar with the term, seven deadly sins, or for that matter, stations of the cross. This is not a reason for judgement or banishment from other denominations; it’s typical for that system.
I say this next bit for the benefit of Evangelical inquisitionists; faking one’s interest in a church is not in the list of deadly sins. The inquisitonists’ approach only proves they too are trapped in their own belief system.
IV. Becoming an Atheist: The Logical Void
This is probably the trickiest concept to talk about. I admit I don’t know the thought processes of an ex-Mormon who choses atheism. I also don’t want to rattle anyone’s delicate balancing act while they are navigating the process. But I would like to pose what I think are relevant questions.
Evangelicals might like to ask the same questions, but frankly, I don’t think they are qualified to ask them when someone is humbly asking for admittance. They are disqualified also because they are operating from within a belief system that is hostile to Mormonism.
Here are my questions for ex-Mormon atheists:
- What were you worshiping when you were in the Church?
- Why did you choose to leave?
- How did it happen that you had to choose between the Church and nothing?
From what I have gathered, the main motivation for resigning comes from finding out one was lied to. The dam broke and they were finally confronted by the information in books, the Internet, and the Church’s own documents. At that point, all the Church’s teachings became suspect. That is a good reason. As for choosing between the Church and nothing, there’s the specter of the people in other congregations not knowing what to do with ex-Mormons. Perhaps atheism includes not believing in other believers.
When I state it this way, atheism is a logical choice. But we still haven’t examined the question of what you worshiped when you were in the Church. I think I can guess, it’s completely understandable in my opinion.
- Mormonism is a solid American culture with a long history.
- It was the religion of many generations of ancestors.
- It promises exaltation to godhood and that believers will have the ability to create their own worlds.
- One is so busy working, raising a family, teaching and leading others that there’s no time to think. And frankly, success and the admiration of others is seductive. When one suddenly has to bear the world’s criticism for those beliefs, the confidence disappears along with the sense of being admired.
V. The Un-Enclosed Alternative: Reclaiming the Spirit
I won’t discuss the alternative as if it’s the way everyone should think about this process. I’ll just explain that I’m aware of another alternative. I know there is a real guiding spirit in the world. And the disrespect and suspicion of other congregations has not weakened my conviction. I’m not telling you to go out and get that spirit. I’m just saying it is present.
Let’s start by looking more closely at the Mormon Church. At its most basic level, the Church is a corporation. And as a corporation, it has a business plan. You could even argue that its business plan is a priority. To be clear, the Mormon Church is a corporation with believers, and its believers have always been part of its business plan. Since believers are so important, the doctrine is non-negotiable. Therefore, beliefs are fiercely enforced. But there is a qualification. The Church is more comfortable with atheists than ‘heretical’ members and religious critics.
Worshiping any business plan dressed up as a religion, regardless of how fierce one’s beliefs are, is not the opposite of atheism. To put in another say, choosing atheism is not a rebuke to the Mormon Church.
I would say something similar about the Evangelicals who sharpen their claws at the thought of converting a Mormon. The way they think is every bit as corporate as the Mormon Church. They live in a castle of proper beliefs and judge others, who they don’t know, based on those beliefs.
Another Reason for Quitting the Church
I discovered that the Church either doesn’t know how to guide its members to God, or it purposely choses not to. Perhaps the CEOs know the members would not be so useful to the corporation if they had their spiritual senses about them. I used to think they were just mistaken, but it’s been 30 years and it’s increasingly clear that they actively fight against any change in direction, both religious and political.
I suppose John Dehlin and Kate Kelly also learned that, but their progressive agenda is rejected by many religions. What I’m saying is worse. The Mormon Church is determined to reject the spirit. On the other hand, there is a positive side of this accusation; there is a true spirit in the world.
I had been vaguely aware for some time of the Church’s strange beliefs, but I thought the leaders were trying to take everyone to heaven. Now I know they are only interested in corporate heaven. Whatever that might be, it’s a cheat.